Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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