I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
