awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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