Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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