You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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