How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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