I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
