Soap is not a condiment
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
