remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
