Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My hand turned me down
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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