I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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