I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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