I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All the doctor said was why
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
