I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize