I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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