I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
