i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You're like the curious george of whores
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
