He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
