i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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