Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Never joke about your clitoris.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
