I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
