no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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