so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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