normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
