hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
