You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
