Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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