I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
