Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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