How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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