your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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