Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
