Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize