Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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