We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
