Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
