Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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