Will you blow on my dice?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
