I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
