apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
