i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize