Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
