Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
