do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
