is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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