I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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