well you can't waste a boner
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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