Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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