apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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