remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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