Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
