This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
