Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
