Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
