i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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