he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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