the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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