DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
