Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
