All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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