Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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