he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
