Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
