he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
