so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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