watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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