two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
