By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
