Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
