So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
