I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
