It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
