Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
