I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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