Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
